My first and last trip to ALDI

If you've never actually been in, ALDI is that store you've driven by a dozen times with the logo that makes you think it's some other kind of store than it actually is. In my mind, I've always imagined it a knock off brand shoe store, like Payless, since it sounds so much like Aldo, a mall shoe store. After learning that Uncle Bob patronizes the local ALDI in Pittsburgh, and describes it as a "strange assortment of things, some of which are fantastic and some of which are crap...but the coffee is worth it"...I was intrigued and decided to investigate.
When we arrived, I left Riley in the car with TJ and started to head inside. I saw the train of carts outside and an older woman walking from the parking lot to return her cart. I made eye contact with her and smiled. I waited for her to do the same. You know, the socially accepted standard norms of the parking lot cart exchange. She faintly smiled back, but kept moving purposefully toward the chain of carts. I decided to take a more obvious approach. I said, "I'll take that in for you," and reached out for the cart. Still, she seemed oddly determined to return the cart all the way to the cart corral. Well, at this point, I figured I'd made all the routine pleasantries and it was simply time to grab the cart. When I took possession, her expression changed and she said: "Are you going to give me my quarter?" Oh, okay, so that was it. She wanted to have a little exchange and attempt to make a joke. Old people are so cute. So I feigned a hearty "Ha, Ha, Ha" to make her feel good and let her know I got the joke. You know..."Sure lady, here's your quarter for the valet service from the parking lot to my hands." Then, I promptly walked away. Imagine my surprise, when three steps into the store I notice a little silver circle the size of a quarter sticking out of a funny contraption attached to the cart. Holy crap. She really meant "Are you going to give me my quarter!"
I started to turn around when the lady behind me belted out a no nonsense "SKEWS ME" to clarify the fact that if I kept her from her off brand products one second longer she was going to hurt me. Mortified that I'd stolen coin from a sweet old lady who really wanted her twenty five cents back, I thanked heavens that at least Riley was still in the car. The only thing worse than stealing money from a helpless old lady is doing it with your child as an accomplice. Okay, well actually the only thing worse than stealing from an old lady is doing so, then paying for your hummus, cottage cheese and dog treats, then accidentally almost walking out of the store with a canister of Pringles wedged in the side of the cart -- prompting the cashier to point it out and say "WAIT...are those yours...I can see I'll have to keep my eye on you." Get me out of this store now. Pay for Pringles, smile at patrons behind you in line who are annoyed that you must now conduct a second transaction, leave ALDI and never, ever return.